Pick somewhere good.
The whole point of this effort is for you to get a decent meal, so pick a restaurant you will actually enjoy. Your real enemy in getting a decent meal is not your child, it’s the clock. The moment you walk into a restaurant with your children, an invisible timer starts ticking. You can’t see this timer, so you have no idea how long you have until it goes off. And trust us, it will go off. When it does, your child will become unmanageable and you will have to leave the restaurant. Pick someplace close. ‘Since every minute counts, don’t take your kids halfway across town to eat. Your best bet is to avoid driving more than 10–15 minutes.’

Pick a spot run by people who are in the business for the long haul.
‘You want a waiting staff and kitchen that are flexible and care about keeping you as a regular customer. Smaller restaurants, nonchains and family-run spots are all good candidates.’

Go early.
‘The restaurant is emptier, the staff can pay more attention to you and the kitchen can turn your food around faster. Plus there are fewer people for your kids to bother. Your kids likely eat dinner early anyway.’

Bring entertainment.
Never forget the crayons, the books and the gadgets. Children are notorious for not being able to hold their concentration for more than a few minutes, and very quickly they’ll be bored with cutlery and glasses.

Compress the meal.
If at all possible, you should try and make your order the first time your waiter visits your table. Do not let him leave your table until you order! Make sure to tell the waiter that he should have the kitchen make all the food immediately and bring it out as soon as it’s ready. Restaurants, waiters and kitchens all work very hard to time your meal flawlessly, and this is exactly what you don’t want. You don’t care about the order in which the food comes out; you just want it all as soon as possible. ‘Every minute your kids are sitting without food in front of them they’re getting nutty.’

When the last dish arrives at the table, pay for your meal.
‘It doesn’t matter if you’re done: You want the financial transaction at the end of the meal to happen well before your kids are ready to go. This way the moment that timer goes off, you’re already set.’

Tip big.
‘Generally, we tip 20 percent at a meal without kids. Ratchet it up to at least 25 percent for one of these blitzkrieg meals. If your waiter isn’t super attentive and understanding of the challenge, you are screwed. But if you can find a waiter who knows how to make this exercise work, you want to cherish him, reward him and rely on him time and time again.’

Read more from Hillel at www.tastingmenu.com